~ Totally Undeserving of the James Beard Award

~ Completely Undeserving of the James Beard Award ~

Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Little Sneak Peak into the Secret World of a Famous Food Blogger...

Many people come to me and say…”Hey!…how can I be a cool, suave and debonair food blogger like you?”

Well, I say to them as I chuckle…you can, but only in you’re dreams!  That always gets me. But if you really want to know, there are a few hard fast rules to follow:

First you have to look the part. No jeans and t-shirts in our clique. No way, man. One thing is your shoes must match your belt…always, such as white belt, white shoes...which I have three sets of. Red is also good.

Make sure your hair is well past your collar and because of proper hygiene required in the kitchen, comb it all back with a little dab of whatever to hold it in place. And speaking of hygiene, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make sure you have plenty of aftershave on hand. Aqua-Velvet and Old Spice are my favorites…it should be applied hourly.

Pants and shirts should be very, very well fitted. Polyester, of course….and no boxers or briefs…commando is they way to go…a treat for you ladies out there!

You will next need a bitchin’, swinging kitchen…olive or mustard colors are a must for the stove, refer, dishwasher, microwave, Kitchenaid, blender, toaster, coffee pot, crock pot, electric fry pan.

Dishes? Corelle…need I say more?

Linens, towels, toaster cozies, oven mits and general decoration, bric-a-brac and knitknacks should all have either owls or mushrooms on them.

And when are not cooking or blogging, we usually hang out at the hot spots for inspiration, such as the local Holiday Inn lounge or a lounge at a Dennys.

I have to admit...I got most of my help and direction from my brothers.

I don’t know if I sound angry…or my t-y-p-i-n-g is angry but…boy, today…actually all week, my youngest kid keeps coming up to me and saying, “Hey Dad, can I have some food?”  WHAT!?  I said to him, “Hey, I work for a living,!  Do you know who I am? A world famous celebrity food blogger! I don’t have time to buy food for you!” The nerve of him.

Geez! Some people.

I do want to tell you about an incredible new food I found in the ethnic isle of the store, near all the Mexican stuff…”Manteca de cerdo” they call it. I am not sure what it is but, you have to try this stuff!...it's sooo good! It’s great on cereal, toast, watermelon, chocolate bars, crackers, in your coffee,  you can even melt it and eat it like soup…heck anything, I even just eat it straight out of a bowl with some chocolate sauce over it! I go though 3 to 4 buckets of this stuff a week!

Here's a couple of tips I thought I would pass along...something I personally can attest to.

A kitchen tip #1: I have found out this to be very helpful in the kitchen…when slicing through avocados, onions, radishes, cheese, peas, hacking through frozen meat…place it on a cutting surface, DO NOT hold it in the palm of your hand when you slice it all the way through.

Kitchen tip #2: Another thing I found out to remember:…when cooking with scotch bonnet or habanero peppers…DO NOT pop one in your mouth to munch on.

I hate to end on a sad note, but I am going to have to...I have to end a certain project I have been working on. For over three years I have been trying to train my cat to help me out in the kitchen...you know be my kitchen bitch...a prep monkey. I have been trying to train my cat to help out like measuring pasta or opening cans...a taste tester of boiling liquids (something he particularly disliked)...but it just isn't working out. Some of us are just not "foodies". The only task that has been a borderline success that he has shown some hope and aptitude is shredding meat. It's so cute, he likes to practice on my arms and face.

Music to Blog By?  "Wives and Lovers" by Jack Jones

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