~ Totally Undeserving of the James Beard Award

~ Completely Undeserving of the James Beard Award ~

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

C.R.A.P. #4 - Emergency Post


This just in off the wire...another piece of C.R.A.P. has been reported.

After intense meetings with the CEO, COO, CMO, PIO, several other acronyms, our founding father (all me) of Better To Burp, it has been decided to make an unprecedented move and invoke Article 374-8 [Duplicate or Similar in Nature Postings – Consecutively – Emergency Public Notice - Exceptions].

Due to the extremely graphic nature and for your safety, Better To Burp must insist in only allowing those who are over 18 years of age to view the imbedded video below. 

Also, you should be in good health and free from high blood pressure, heart, back, or neck problems, motion sickness, or other conditions that could be aggravated by this video. Expectant mothers should not view.


Please click HERE if not able to continue.

OK...I warned you!

It floors me that some dude thought this up, created it, manufactured it and is marketing it...maybe he's laughing his way to the bank with the dollars of the buffoons that buy this piece of C.R.A.P.! 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

C.R.A.P. #3

Of the masses of followers to this blog are fully aware of my previous reports of C.R.A.P., or Culinary Ripoff Accessory Police here and here...

...I bring you another chronicle.

This band of militia seek out the frivolous waste of money, time, storage space and plastic of ridiculous pieces of hardware, gadgets and paraphernalia...designed to trick you they will "make your life easier"...which the only thing it does is pad the pockets of MR. CORPORATE MCGREED WHILE HE LAUGHS, DRINKING HIS $100 BOTTLE OF SCOTCH AND LOOKING OUT HIS HIGH RISE WINDOW OVER HIS PEONS!!!...

...but, I digress....

Here are some lovely examples of C.R.A.P....

Aw...how cute!...look honey, it looks like a bird?...a little birdie can opener!...see the beak and eye?....GAAAH!

Honey!?...come look at this one!...it's another bird...a little blue bird wine opener...give me a friggin' break.

...and what the hell is this?...some sort of monkey meat tenderizer?...geez. Sure, invite your friends over for a meal and bring this thing out...I guess you'll get what you deserve for buying this stuff.

Oh, here's one...because it is nearly impossible to slice and cut up an avocado with a knife, you have to clog up your kitchen drawers (and throw away good money) with junk like this...something that has one purpose in the world...used on an occasional basis. Don't.

Stop...just stop.

I saved the best of the worst for last...

What the...?...Who would....?...Why?...

A pizza cutter...with a face...and little arms...because.....???

Apparently this is for people who don't understand the words "wooden spoon".

Now folks...I am not making this up...I did not photoshop this...this is an actual product...invented, manufactured, SOLD through distributorships and marketed.

A pizza scissor-server something-or-other.

I hope this entry of C.R.A.P. has inspired others to join with me in the riddance of these evil things.

I bid you good cooking.