Smoke, Smoke, Smoke that Turkeyette

For the past few years, I have cooked the T-Day bird on a rotisserie on my Weber gas grill...and it always came out great. It's tricky to time it, as it is not cooking the conventional way.  ”X” minutes per pound at “X” degrees in the oven are thrown out the window. I made sure I always had a full tank of gas, but you are working out in the elements with low air temperature (at least where I live) and probably some wind which will affect the inside temp...and how accurate are those gas grill lid thermometers anyway?

It was also tricky to get it to stay secure while he was on the carousel of flavor. I trussed, tied, knotted and cinched butchers string the carcass to the rotisserie rod, but once he became more and more cooked, the looser and looser it became. The meat, juices, cartilage and bones all worked against by effort to keep the thing securely tied to the stake, so I had to monitor it and add a bit of additional nooses now and then.

I also discovered I had to remove the grill grates and the mysterious "flave-o-bars" under them to have enough room for my whirling dervish of meat. I suspect a smaller bird may not need all of that stuff removed. I placed some type of wood chips in there but I doubt it did anything. A tray made out of foil or something is also needed to catch the juices, a bit tricky to get everything aligned so wing tips and such are not bonking into stuff. What I do remember is it cooked faster than I estimated. I think I had a 22 pounder and it seems it was done in 3 hours, almost too soon. But once you had it all set up it was nice to have an empty oven for all the other stuff.

This year was on the Traeger smoker/grill! I went with apple wood and with my fancy remote thermometer I can "set it and forget it". A very handy tool, about $35 with a metal probe and cable to stab into the thigh, run the cable out to a shelf on the bbq and plug in the transmitter. Then turn on the wireless LCD gage, select “turkey” and it starts reading the temp. Take it inside and set it on the counter and once it is up to the proper and safe cooked temperature and alarm goes of and you’re done.

Although we ordered a 22-24 pound bird, we ended up getting a 28 pounder!

Hey Mr. Blogger Man!

Yes, Billy…what is it now?

Will that thing even fit inside your bbq? HA!...I bet it didn't!

Well, if you must know, I asked the butcher to cut it in half…so now I essentially had two 14-pound birds and cooked them accordingly, gut side down.

Oh…well what about stuffing, huh?…bet you didn’t think of that huh? I bet it all fell out inside your bbq and made huge mess. Wish I saw that!

(I would like to stuff you) I normally do not stuff the birds, Billy...too mushy…I just used a little light olive oil and salt and pepper…and of course the apple wood. Oh, I think I hear your mother calling you.

What about the drippings huh?...how did you make gravy, huh?

Shut up, Billy…I already explained that on my last post.

I think it came out great. A little smoke flavor, not too much as I had it on “smoke” for an hour then turned it up to 375. I chose not to make stock out of the carcass as I thought the smokiness would be off putting in a stock.


Sorry...no pictures.

Roux, Roux, Roux Your Boat...

...Gravy Boat that is.

A roux is a mixture of four and fat, usually butter or perhaps the fat from the protein you just cooked which thickens a sauce and can flavor it as well. You heat the fat and whisk in the flour until it becomes one over a moderate heat, just be sure not to burn the flour. As you stir it will change color and brown to a blond roux, and if you continue it becomes a peanut butter color and darker and darker. It depends on what you are using it for and what you are trying to accomplish in deciding when it's the right color. Think etouffee, gumbo and french "mother" sauces, they usually all use it. Those mother sauces are a sauce in themselves and a base for other sauces. Make a roux, add milk and you have a béchamel sauce...now add cheese and you have a mornay sauce as I explained here.

So, you can use a roux to thicken a sauce or you can use corn starch. Mix corn starch 1:1 with a cold liquid in a side bowl into a slurry. Some use 2:1, liquid over corn starch. Water works fine...I have also used wine and stock or broth, it just depends how you want it. However, by using a corn starch slurry, the liquid you are adding it to must be quite hot or it wont thicken properly. "So why can't I use that same method with flour, Mr. Blogger Man?" Well, Billy...you need to cook the flour and water solution to remove the raw flour taste...and didn't I tell you to stay out the kitchen?

There are many other methods to thicken a sauce. Arrowroot is one. Flour tends to make your gravy a bit  cloudy which may be fine with you, corn starch a little less cloudy...but arrowroot will keep it clear and shiny. Use it the same as corn starch. Some say arrowroot makes meat sauces look fake and weird and does not re-heat well and will make dairy based sauces slimy. Tapioca is also popular, there's potato starch and whole bunch of other strange stuff to use.

Because I will tryout the Traeger smoker /grill for the bird, I wont be using a roasting pan in the oven and catching all the wonderful yum-yums on the bottom of the pan for the gravy, I will need to use alternative #2 which I have used for the rotisserie method. That is to get some turkey wings and veggies and roast them up the weekend before...and start making my gravy ahead of time. How great is that!

Roasted up some turkey wings with a splash of olive oil and S & P, about 1/2 hour at 375.














Toss some aromatics in a big pot...an onion, 2 celery ribs, 4 carrots, which will help by also coloring the stock, fresh parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...they should make a song like that...a few peppercorns and head of garlic cut around it's equator. Some S & P. Stir them around in EVOO until they start to caramelize. No need to peel the onions and such as this will all be strained.








The toss in the wings and pan juices, deglaze the roasting pan as well to get the goodies that stuck, then cover with cold water...simmer for about 2 hours. I will make the roux and finish the gravy on turkey day.







If you are doing this to make and save for later, a cleaver way to do this is to pour 1 cup of the strained stock into a muffin tin and carefully set level in your freezer. Once frozen, warm the bottom a bit to loosen each one and toss in a freezer bag. You now have convenient, homemade stock at the ready in 1 cup portions.

A Little Sneak Peak into the Secret World of a Famous Food Blogger...

Many people come to me and say…”Hey!…how can I be a cool, suave and debonair food blogger like you?”

Well, I say to them as I chuckle…you can, but only in you’re dreams!  That always gets me. But if you really want to know, there are a few hard fast rules to follow:

First you have to look the part. No jeans and t-shirts in our clique. No way, man. One thing is your shoes must match your belt…always, such as white belt, white shoes...which I have three sets of. Red is also good.

Make sure your hair is well past your collar and because of proper hygiene required in the kitchen, comb it all back with a little dab of whatever to hold it in place. And speaking of hygiene, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make sure you have plenty of aftershave on hand. Aqua-Velvet and Old Spice are my favorites…it should be applied hourly.

Pants and shirts should be very, very well fitted. Polyester, of course….and no boxers or briefs…commando is they way to go…a treat for you ladies out there!

You will next need a bitchin’, swinging kitchen…olive or mustard colors are a must for the stove, refer, dishwasher, microwave, Kitchenaid, blender, toaster, coffee pot, crock pot, electric fry pan.

Dishes? Corelle…need I say more?

Linens, towels, toaster cozies, oven mits and general decoration, bric-a-brac and knitknacks should all have either owls or mushrooms on them.

And when are not cooking or blogging, we usually hang out at the hot spots for inspiration, such as the local Holiday Inn lounge or a lounge at a Dennys.

I have to admit...I got most of my help and direction from my brothers.

I don’t know if I sound angry…or my t-y-p-i-n-g is angry but…boy, today…actually all week, my youngest kid keeps coming up to me and saying, “Hey Dad, can I have some food?”  WHAT!?  I said to him, “Hey, I work for a living,!  Do you know who I am? A world famous celebrity food blogger! I don’t have time to buy food for you!” The nerve of him.

Geez! Some people.

I do want to tell you about an incredible new food I found in the ethnic isle of the store, near all the Mexican stuff…”Manteca de cerdo” they call it. I am not sure what it is but, you have to try this stuff!...it's sooo good! It’s great on cereal, toast, watermelon, chocolate bars, crackers, in your coffee,  you can even melt it and eat it like soup…heck anything, I even just eat it straight out of a bowl with some chocolate sauce over it! I go though 3 to 4 buckets of this stuff a week!

Here's a couple of tips I thought I would pass along...something I personally can attest to.

A kitchen tip #1: I have found out this to be very helpful in the kitchen…when slicing through avocados, onions, radishes, cheese, peas, hacking through frozen meat…place it on a cutting surface, DO NOT hold it in the palm of your hand when you slice it all the way through.

Kitchen tip #2: Another thing I found out to remember:…when cooking with scotch bonnet or habanero peppers…DO NOT pop one in your mouth to munch on.

I hate to end on a sad note, but I am going to have to...I have to end a certain project I have been working on. For over three years I have been trying to train my cat to help me out in the kitchen...you know be my kitchen bitch...a prep monkey. I have been trying to train my cat to help out like measuring pasta or opening cans...a taste tester of boiling liquids (something he particularly disliked)...but it just isn't working out. Some of us are just not "foodies". The only task that has been a borderline success that he has shown some hope and aptitude is shredding meat. It's so cute, he likes to practice on my arms and face.

Music to Blog By?  "Wives and Lovers" by Jack Jones

Welcome and Sign in Please...

I thought I would take a step away from posting my thoughts on food and open it up for guest bloggers. To start, I would like to quote the late, great Julia Child who I had the honor to get to know personally because I bought her cookbook, who once said: "Whatever you do, please do not quote me on a blog after I die", there are many chefs I personally know...because I watch their TV shows, like Mario Batali, who is the greatest celebrity chef alive...and Bobby Flay...who is the greatest celebrity chef alive...Thomas Keller who is the greatest non-celebrity chef alive have all asked to be a guest blogger...not to me, but they are welcome if they do.

So, for those clamoring to post something here...now is your chance. And let me say, to have followers of this blog...to guest post here, well...it would be a huge honor...to you, I know, so let's open it up now.

Just log in, using your mothers maiden name, your bank account number...the name of your pet, your favorite car and all of the streets you have ever lived on...

So, I will now pause for our first guest blogger to log in...






Hmmm...



Apparently the log-in process is crashing the system as none of you are getting through. Let me try a new approach to lessen the data stream happening all at once, a trivia question. The first person with the correct answer goes first, here goes:

"Who is the greatest celebrity chef alive?"




...Ah, remember to log in folks.

Okay, something is still not right. The answer was Guy Fieri by the way. I will have to work this a bit more, in the mean time, here is a little song while you patiently wait:

Watch Watch Steve Martin Sizzle on A Capitol Fourth on PBS. See more from A Capitol Fourth.

For the Heart, the Soul, the Mind…I give you: French Onion Soup

As a kid growing up, the thought of eating a soup made from onions was disgusting…who in the world would eat onion soup?  Well, like a lot of things, we grew to try and appreciate new things (although I have yet to eat a raw oyster). As I started to get into cooking more and more I saw recipes, pictures and videos of French onion soup in a little crock...steaming, cheese bubbling on a large crouton. And I thought, that looks too good for it not to BE good, am I missing out on something?

It’s a rather simple recipe and procedure…it just takes a while. But when it’s about 3:00 on a Sunday afternoon, it’s getting colder out now...the leaves have turned their musty smell of gold-yellow-orange-brown, the lawn has (hopefully) been mowed for the last time this summer, your favorite grey sweater you packed away over the summer is found and pulled out for another season of warmth…you have some quiet jazz on…someone is plinking on the piano, the dog snores in the den and the news of a loved one you haven’t seen a long while will be home for dinner…makes it a perfect time for homemade French onion soup.

It all starts with, well…onions.  The recipe I use calls for four onions and when you slice them up, you think…no way, that is a mountain of onions.  And you know what? You’re right…it is, but you need them all. Just cut them all up and don’t look back.   Now as a side note to continue my previous post, I sliced all four onions up with a freshly sharpened knife…and…not…one…tear. Oh I definitely smelled them but my ducts were dry.

 But let me pause if I may and show you the proper way to dice an onion.  This is not what I used for the soup as I wanted half-round slices.   First cut the...wait, first sharpen your knife, second cut the onion in half from the root to the stem and slice off the stem end and leave the root alone. You will have this:

Next, lay the cut side flat on your cutting surface and slice from the previously cut-off stem end to the root end horizontally. NOTE! If you want say a 1/2 inch dice...slice 1/2 inch up from the table, if you want larger dice or smaller, adjust where you cut accordingly. BUT!...do not slice all the way through, stop and and leave about an inch from the end. Then, slice again 1/2 inch up from your previous cut and so on until you have no more onion to cut in that direction.

Like this ( the knife shows where I stopped the cuts):

Next, slice the other direction, from the old stem end towards the root end...again a 1/2 inch apart...and again, stopping about an inch away from the end. By stopping in both directions you keep the whole onion intact.

Then simply slice in the third direction, down keeping with your 1/2 inch spacing...and what do you know...you just diced up an onion quick, efficiently...and with even size pieces. 

So back to the soup...put two tableblobs of butter in a large pot, the heavier the better as it will maintain the heat and add your Mt Everest of onions. I always use a sweet variety such as Walla Walla to aid in the caramelization process. Add garlic, bay leaves, thyme, salt and pepper and cook…and cook……and cook………and cook. Turning and cooking, cooking and turning until they turn a nice...well, carmel color. Watch them to ensure they don't burn.

Next up, pour in a cup of red wine. Never use a wine you wouldn't drink. Simmer this until all of the wine has evaporated and the onions are basically dry...like...

This...

 

Make an attempt to locate and discard the bay leaves and thyme. You will probably only find the bay leaves and thyme branches. Dust the onions with flour and cook a few minutes to cook out the raw flour taste.  Don't burn the flour.

 Add beef broth, simmer for 10 minutes or more and adjust the flavor (check if you need to add salt or pepper, you probably do). When you are ready to eat, start your boiler, place oven safe small bowls on a sheet pan, ladle in your soup, float a large pre-made crouton from a baguette and top that with slices of gruyere cheese. Place it under your boiler to melt the cheese all gooey. I served this with a French Dip sandwich.

Oh, so good. A perfect comfort food...made for crisp fall afternoons, your grey sweater, the quiet jazz, turning leaves and a homecoming of a loved one.

Makes 4-6 servings.

1/2 C unsalted butter
4 onions
2 cloves garlic
2 bay leaves
2 sprigs thyme
salt & pepper
1 C red wine
3 tbl flour (heaping)
2 qt beef broth
baguette, sliced
1/2 lb gruyere cheese

C.R.A.P. #2

Gadgets, Gadgets, Gadgets. A gadgeteer I am not, that is to say I do own gadgets, it’s just now I am more particular about which ones to own.  If you read my earlier post, I explained whom C.R.A.P. is. I guess C.R.A.P. may be a bit harsh for this group; they work I suppose but I think my alternatives are better.  It seems there is a never ending supply of “new and improved” kitchen gadgets and the companies that make them are laughing all the way to the bank.

 

The first one up today I will call C.R.A.P….onion goggles. Really? What a joke.

 According to an article by the Michigan State University science department..” When you cut an onion, the contents on each side of the membrane can mix together freely and the enzyme causes the sulfur compound to undergo a series of chemical reactions. These reactions produce molecules such as ethylsufine which make your eyes water.”

There are various theories of how to prevent this from happening, cut the onion under water…whaa?  Have the air circulating such as an open window…yah, I guess so.  Cool down the onion a bit in the freezer…nah. One site said “put bread in your mouth”…what the #@$%?

My answer (and a lot of others), use this mysterious tool.  A knife sharpener…ooh! “Well gee Mr. Blog Man, how do I cut and onion with that?” Well, you don’t Billy, because you’re too stupid to be in the kitchen using tools. A sharp knife and the knowledge on the proper way to slice an onion is all you need.

Here’s another weird one…some kind of auto-magic garlic slicer-dicer thing…for 60 friggin dollars!!!. Again, a knife works just fine, but if you want to use something else, this does the job quite well for around $12 bucks.

 

Now, you know what is just around the corner kids? That’s right! Thanksgiving! And what do we eat at Thanksgiving…that’s warm and white and fluffy? No, not the cat! Mashed Potatoes of course! Now, we all grew up seeing this in Mom’s kitchen drawer and we probably have on as well.  

It works but take a look at this one. Doesn’t it make sense using this with downward pressure?

This is really better…a ricer.

Or this one, very handy as it can also be used for tomatoes for sauce or apples for apple sauce and you don’t need to peel them. The cut and cooked potatoes (or apples, tomatoes, etc) are thrown into this contraption and you grind away, then reverse and the blade smears off the skins from the holes, then go again. A perfect job for your out of town guests! What ever you use, DON’T use a mixer…it will break down the potato and turn the whole thing to paste.

Thingamajig...

...according to Wikipedia, chimichangas either originated in Tucson or Phoenix Arizona. Which ever you want to believe, "chimichanga" apparently means "thingamajig" in spanish...as in WTF is that?

Basically, a chimi is a deep fried burrito. "Whoa right there Mr. Blog Poster Man! Tell me, wont you please about burritos then!"

Well now..alrighty, let me think. Well, it all started way back. Back before you and I were even born! Burrito means "little burro or donkey" in spanish. The burrito you and I enjoy are a San Francisco style burritos which originated in Mission District in the 60's. Note: One should not order a burrito "mission style" as that may come with a slap across your face. 

Others say it started in Los Angeles at a restaurant in 1954 and still others say a variation was know to be in Mexico (of all places), but these were much simpler renditions of one or two fillings, not the meat-beans-rice-cheese-kitchen sink versions we like.

"WOW! That is probably the most interesting thing I have ever learned, Mr. Funny and Handsome Blog Posting Man. How do you make yours?"

Okay, okay....settle down.  Since normal people, that is, non 14-year-old-man-boys-growing-8-to-9-inches-an-hour people...eat just one, find extra large flour tortillas. I've seen some on TV cooking shows using what looks like 18" diameter tortillas, the largest ones I have found are about 12" which is plenty big. The fillings can run from chicken, hamburger, shredded beef, pork...hell throw tofu in if you want. Whatever you use, it is usually stuffed, gooey, cheesy. 

This go around I used some leftover chicken I hand shredded, some Uncle Bens white rice in a microwave steam bag which cooks in 90 seconds. I mixed it with some salsa and bingo! instant Mexican rice.

Since everything was already fully cooked, I first smeared some refried beans on the tort, added some chicken, rice, cheese and a bit of some fire roasted green chilies. Roll it over once, fold over the edges, roll again and secure with a toothpick.  

Now, I don't deep fry mine, I bake it. Brush it with some EVOO (thats Extra Virgin Olive Oil) and bake it on a sheet pan at 350 or whatever. Watch it closely as it can change from lightly blond toasted to charcoal in about 3 nano-seconds. All you are doing is heating and melting everything inside since the ingredients are already cooked. 

I picked up some Hatch 5 pepper sauce for a base. Side Note...Hatch chilies from Hatch, New Mexico state they have the worlds best chile pepper with a festival, I have seen raw Hatch chilies in the Seattle area at one store. It's fun to mix it up and try non-run of the mill brands.

I sprinkled some chopped onion, black olives, cilantro, pickled jalapenos and cotija cheese on it...a little homemade guac and YUM!

 "Thank you Mr. Very Funny and Very Handsome, Debonair, Smart,
Incredibly Well...umm...Dressed Blog Posting Man!"