~ Totally Undeserving of the James Beard Award

~ Completely Undeserving of the James Beard Award ~

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Makin' Bacon…and C.R.A.P. #5

This post is about some ridiculous money wasting gadgets related to bacon…but first a word from our sponsors:

Okay, back to the post…bacon

No…not that bacon

Unless you have Bacon out of bacon

To remind my millions and millions of blog followers, I occasionally post notices from "C.R.A.P." or the Culinary Ripoff Accessory Police. 

C.R.A.P. attempts to alert the world of money wasting, drawer filling, foolish kitchen gadgets that in most cases have one purpose only…then it sits in drawer, taking up valuable space until you need it again for that one reason. This is entry number 5, previous posts were C.R.A.P. #1, C.R.A.P. #2, C.R.A.P. #3 and the somewhat controversial C.R.A.P. #4 - Emergency Post.

There seems to be some sort of alien mind warping, parallel universe some people are affected by when it comes to cooking bacon...because the world is infested with microwaveable doo-dads to nuke bacon.

First up is this thing. You drape the raw pieces over the little coat hangers…fat drips off…whatever.

For this thing you spend 2 to 3 hours threading each piece between slots. I see on the package "The frying pan taste without the frying pan"…and whats wrong with a frying pan?

Oh, this is a beaut…Bacon Bowls kids! I get the idea, but it takes 3 to 4 pieces!…you gonna eat 4 pieces of bacon?

Bacon-pitcher-drip off-bucket thing…no.

Don't like bacon splatter in the microwave? Cover it with a plastic boob!

More draping...

…and more...

…and more. Here's some sort of coffee cup bacon hanger piece of C.R.A.P.

…or you could just buy it pre-cooked.

How about a bacon lollipop?

...and when you and your significant other want to get all gussied up and go out on the down...don't forget the bacon earrings!

…and while you're out...kick back a cold one

When your night is over, make sure to end the evening with the ever popular bacon flavored toothpaste.

Then she can slip into something special...

…and, umm...so can he.

Just to see what's out there, I search for "bacon" and some other random word...like spray…unfortunately I found it.

...and with the word "squeeze"...yup, that too.

Hey Kids?...what to try something different for your next birthday cake?...why not try bacon frosting?

Please don't buy any of this C.R.A.P….don't give manufacturers the idea they are on the right track…it just promotes this C.R.A.P. to multiply. 

Just pull out your cast iron skillet, a pair of tongs and some paper towels for crying out loud!

Do check out a Seattle institution to all things quirky Archie McPhee which has 4 pages of all your desires from the bacon nation.

...and if you end up eating all that bacon...why not get buried in a bacon coffin?

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